And we're not even crazy. We just want to give someone who deserves it something free because it makes us feel all fuzzy inside. What do you have to do? Not much to be honest with you, just give us a good enough reason, and we'll fire it out.

What's a good reason? That depends what kind of mood we're in. Sob stories work good, so do funny stories. We're going to decide, and it's not going to be fair... so just send in your reason already.

Your name
Your email address
Your reason

Past Winners!

Date: Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
Name: Timmy
Reason: Well it's simple. "what's simple?" you may ask yourself... i'm sorta god... and love jig-saw puzzles, and must not be a total loser because i spell boy without the oi and fat without ph and hot with one t :D... i recycle :D yum yum yum recycling is god... crap! im god. ooo more reasons: today after my basketball tournament i dug through the garbage and filled two fat (without the extra t that'd make me look cool) bags with water bottles and pop cans to bring home and recycle, but then momma sue said she could give em to the group of mentally challenged kids at the high school and I’m like "ok mom :D" (with that exact smile. The mentally challenged kids can use them to get money and help with their math by the way. I'm also deserving because i'm gonna skip eighth grade! mmm grade skipping! I kinda want a free t-shirt also, things are always better when they're free! such as sex or a t-shirt, oh! how bizarre! that's what i'm asking for, the sex! another reason i should get that t-shirt is because for SR I'd just be a walking advertisement. everybody would be like "omg! i love your shirt! where'd you get it?" I'd say (with pride, "i got this hot smakin' t-shirt from SplitReason.com!" so yes I'd be a better advertisement than all your other advertisements put together :D. yeah I have cats too so that should make me qualify for a free t-shirt and if you don't agree you're comitting a crime! yes t-shirt, yum. the final reason is because including the spaces above are 1,485 characters forming reasoning to give i, timmy a free t-shirt... wait now there are 1,574, wait nope there are 1,601, yeah hopefully you get what i'm trying to say :D There are >1,859 characters in this passage. And if I don't get that t-shirt i won't have a SR t-shirt to wear... The one, the only (as long as i don't have an IDENTICAL twin) sui generis.
Reply: Two options on this one. 1) Read it all and end up in Arkham Asylum, or 2) cut my losses and send out a free shirt. Free shirt incoming!

Date: Tuesday, February 19th, 2008
Name: Mark
Reason: My reason is two-fold. First, I'm a nice guy, and nice guys should finish first at least once, don't you think? Second, my favorite t-shirt disappeared one day last year. My wife claims it was stolen off the clothesline, but it just so happens this was the same day that UFO was seen flying over O'Hare International Airport. Don't wanna point fingers here, I'm just sayin'...
Reply: The aliens did it, I just got off the intergalatic telephony device... they're basically telling me they thought it was food; a simple misunderstanding. That's bullshit, because we all know they only eat sheep and cattle. I don't buy their story one bit. I woke up with "UR A NOOB" crop circled in my back yard a few months back. They blamed that one on George Lucas, I'm still trying to make the connection. Either way, I'm fed up with their shinanigans, so have a free shirt... we'll get them back when the time is right.

Date: Tuesday, February 12th, 2008
Name: Andy
Reason: I'm not creative, so all I have is my true sob story. My Xbox Live account was stolen because I was one of the lucky ones who did has Recons. I haven't been able to play my 360 for three weeks now, and every week Xbox customer support says that they'll call me within a week, but they never do and I always have to call them. They say that they might not be able to restore my account. They would give me a new account and Microsoft points to repurchase all of the digital items I owned, but I would lose all of my achievements and many of my save files would no longer work. It looks like it will have been more than a month before I can play my 360 again and in the mean time, I've spent over four hours on the phone with Microsoft.
Reply: I agree that's not cool, you struck a nerve with me due to this fiasco: click here So here you go man, enjoy something while you wait :)

Date: Tuesday, February 5th, 2008
Name: Carrie
Reason: Hot gaming mom deserves a free tshirt.
Reply: Hot gaming mom needs to send in a picture wearing her free t-shirt.

Date: Tuesday, January 29th, 2008
Name: Mathieu
Reason: What I am going to say is totally true. I deserve the free T-shirt for the only reason that when I was on road to school and a damm alien attacked me... I attacked him back but in the fight my shirt was..heum.. BROKEN.. and since it was my only one i'm stuck naked at home cauz my pant doesn't want to be worn alone... also it took me hell of a time to write this cauz English is not my mother tongue and OMGWTFBBQ !!1!oneeleven I lost my wallet and can't purchase any Wow subscription ..well I could but I would be arrested cauz a naked guy in a bank is really wierd.. well thank you for loosing at least 2 min to read this totally true storie and please I need a shirt really bad. ohh the part of the wallet is real the most real part :(
Reply: Is that a tear I feel creeping outwards from the duct of my right eye? Nope it's just raining outside, that's Vancouver, BC for ya. Here's a free shirt, make your pants happy.

Date: Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
Name: Katherine
Reason: I am writing for my son (who doesn't know I am writing to you)... He is 11 years old. He is in a laptop program at school. Evidently, in the first two weeks of school, he read through all 5 years of the CAD comic (and still maintained excellent grades). He has declared that Ctrl+Alt+Del is his favorite strip. I thought winning a T-shirt would make it an even more 'fan'tastic memory.
Reply: This sounds like a good cause, we hope he enjoys the t-shirt!

Date: Tuesday, January 15th, 2008
Name: Sarah
Reason: If you send me a shirt, I will wear it, without fail everyday for a month. I will even provide timstamped evidence as proof. Talk about commitment.
Reply: Now this I have to see. You have exactly one month to deliver 29 digital images of you wearing this t-shirt everyday for the entire month of February. Failure to comply will result in secret mission for our japanese packing specialist. I need not provide further details!

Date: Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
Name: Lizzy
Reason: i express my willingness for a free shirt via poem:

Oh shirt, so clean and crisp
Floating around cyberspace like a wisp!
If only you could come home to me,
To be worn proudly and completely free
To see this world as every shirt should
Which i know you would do if only you could...

poor shirt, i think it wants me...
the shirt choses the wearer!


Reply: We wrote a poem for you: Shirts are good, shirts are awesome, here -- prepare for climax -- have a shirt. I would also like to mention that we suck at poetry.

Date: Tuesday, January 1st, 2008
Name: Lucian
Reason: I believe i diserve a free t-shirt because i work in the gaming industry, as a game-tester. That means take s**t from sh***y programmers, testing the same thing over and over and over again, and A LOT of over-time (6 months or more, every day, from 09:00-18:00, saturday and sunday included) just so that the world wide gaming comunity can enjoy a good game. Cheers!
Reply: Since it clearly sucks to pla-- *caugh* I mean TEST video games all day, we have decided you are free shirt worthy. Use it to prevent nakedness, or to gag sloppy programmers. If you decide on the latter, you didn't hear that from us. ;)

Date: Thursday, October 25th, 2007
Name: Shaila
Reason: About three weeks ago or so, I made friends with an incredibly awesome person. But tonight, I found out he's a pirate. And I'm a ninja, so I don't know how this is going to work out... I most definitely require a Ninja-Pirate Alliance shirt to show that I have no ill feelings towards him, despite our differences. Hopefully, we will one day be able to co-exist peacefully and remain friends.
Reply: Ouch. Pirate, hey? Well you tell that dirty pirate hooker tha.. *Smacked by pirate loving co-workers* ahem... you tell your friend that ninja's love pirates, and we'd be glad to support your alliance with a free t-shirt. Group hug!

Date: Thursday, October 18th, 2007
Name: Malek
Reason: I live in California. This just so happens to be the place where there are raging fires and as a result all the air is ashy and I'm gonna get evacuated from my home. Just please send me a shirt.
Reply: Done, send us an address of a place that is not on fire, and you'll get your shirt. The SplitReason.com crew is hoping you don't get evacuated, and we send our best wishes to you, and others affected by the fires. Douse the flames Governator! Let our friends in California game in peace!

Date: Thursday, October 11th, 2007
Name: Chris
Reason: I believe that i deserve a free t-shirt because I’m about to face a week of no gaming due to coursework and i need something to cheer my sad soul, a life of no FPS is no life at all =(
Reply: Damn rights it's no life at all, you take my Halo's you die!!1 I feel your pain. We'll be launching a free shirt at you by way of shipping catapult ASAP. Wear it, live it, get your work done and then pwn noobs.

Date: Thursday, October 4th, 2007
Name: Fred
Reason: I feel I deserve this freebie because I lent out one of your awesome hats (the Mushroom hat) to one of my friends, he never gave it back before he went away because he "accidentally" packed it away in his suitcase. I asked for him to mail it back to me, he said sure but he's been using it for work so it's not in mint condition anymore so he will buy me another one too. So I go to check the site and there are no more grey Mushroom hats? (I hope they are just out of stock and not discontinued, Navy = Ew.) So now I'm all peeved and since there's no free hat contest I think the only thing that will settle me down before I go all HULK SMASH is a "Don't touch me! I'm defragging" shirt.
Reply: You know, your friend is a jerk! That hat was one of a kind, it was meant for gaming not working! Unfortunately it has been discontinued, so the only way we can rectify this tragedy is to send you a free shirt!

Date: Thursday, September 27th, 2007
Name: Justin
Reason: I need a shirt because after staying up all night (in line) to pick up Halo 3, I get home all excited to play and my XBox360 RRoD'ed. How demoralizing is that. I new shirt might lift my spirits during the gap of boredom while my Box is fixed.
Reply: I'm playing teh Halos right now. It's teh Halos fr33 sh1rt d4y! RROD so sad at such a special time. Woot! You win.

Date: Thursday, September 20th, 2007
Name: Caitlin
Reason: I have two crazy reasons. One being that I promised my 11 year old brother, who is obsessed with the There Is No Cow Level tshirt, that I would buy it for him for his birthday. But I completely forgot, and I used all my money to go on vacation. Now I will forever be reminded of it, everytime he kicks my ass at WoW. I would love to put a smile on his face with the t-shirt, rather then the "hahaha, i win again" look that i always get. Please and thank you. all the customers (and ignorant parents) that millions of people will be playing the game before me!! Save me!
Reply: This has nothing to do with teh Halos but it's still nice to bring a smile to an 11 year old that will hopefully obtain and play teh Halos.

Date: Thursday, September 13th, 2007
Name: Bryann
Reason: I deserve a free shirt because I work at Gamestop and get to talk geek all the time, and yet I don't have ANY geek shirts! I just simply can't afford them. I spend all my money on games (damn that WoW subscription...). Also, since Halo 3 is launching Tuesday, I'm going to so busy dealing withall the customers (and ignorant parents) that millions of people will be playing the game before me!! Save me!
Reply: Free shirt for this guy, who has to deal with all the customers who buy teh Halos!

Date: Thursday, September 6th, 2007
Name: Christian
Reason: I believe that i deserve a free shirt cause, i recentely received the red ring of death, and with halo 3 coming out this tuesday, halo 3 has been the only thing ive been looking forward to this year(i seriously mean that, halo 3 is truely the only thing ive been looking forward to this year). As i was saying, my 360 broke, and ive been bored out of my freakin mind for the past week and a half. video games are literally my anti-drug, ive been watching star wars and other geek movies to keep me sane until i get my 360 repaired. A free gamer shirt might help as well. plz
Reply: OH NOES! More RROD, no HAlos for you! Free shirt is coming though.

Date: Thursday, August 30th, 2007
Name: Yannick
Reason: Because i only just discovered Splitreason, and it's an outrage that i don't have any of these ubersweet shirts..You pwned me without me knowing, so eehm.. so.. you so totally pwe me a shirt *looks around* yeah, euhm, yeah!
Reply: It's true, this is your 12th attempt. I would give you a free shirt because of the effort, but I'm not. I'm giving you a free shirt because of TEH HALOS!!!

Date: Thursday, August 23rd, 2007
Name: Matt
Reason: I deserve a shirt for the pure an honest reason that my wife has put a temporary ban on any geek related purchases. I deserve a shirt for no other reason than to show her that you can't stop geek power.
Reply: It's true Matt. You can't stop the geek power. What kind of a world do we live in where spouses are now putting restrictions on the rapid acquisition of geeky merchandise? That's just wrong, and should be against the law. When I read your "very valid" reason to win a free t-shirt, the first thought that popped into my mind was "LOL... WE'LL SHOW HER." Enjoy!

Date: Thursday, August 16th, 2007
Name: Roman
Reason: I compete regularly in Xbox Halo LANs and don't fare too well. It's fair to say I get rapezorded. I reckon wearing some leet SplitReason threadz to the next LAN will gimme back some cred. And just maybe, lift my confidence enough for me to pull off some win!
Reply: No one likes to get rapzorded, but it's a fact of life. You've handled being a noob with such dignity, we grant your wish. You now have limitless confidence, and endless "Cred." However, that does not mean you will be doing the rapzoring. You may still suck, all we can confirm is a free t-shirt on your doorstep.

Date: Thursday, August 9th, 2007
Name: Casper
Reason: I think I deserve a free llama t-shirt because i have heard the llama song for 8 hours in a row. (the llama song link: Llama song)
Reply: Sweet track, you won't hear this on Ryan Seacrest's top 40.

Date: Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
Name: Nathan
Reason: Get this, SplitReason. I spend too much time playing video games (esp. Nintendo Wii) but apparently it doesn't matter. After months of dating my high-school sweetheart, and deciding to attend St. Lawrence together, she gets mad at me. I spend too much time playing video games, and I said I don't. To prove it, I played continued playing video games when she told me not to. Bam. Now I'm out of my trusty old XBox (not 360, it's not old school enough. :P), and a lot of broken furniture. I know I'm not getting my XBox back anytime soon, but I think I deserve a T-Shirt, as a loyal gamer. Thanks for listening; I've typed this story about a thousand times.
Reply: It shows in our records that you have potentially entered this contest 5 times. That's a far cry from "thousands." We do not condone dishonest behavior, but considering your XBOX and furniture has been destroyed due to excessive gaming, we figure that's gotta be worth something. Enjoy!

Date: Thursday, July 26th, 2007
Name: Michael
Reason: Someone somehow allowed me to teach our impressionable young generation. I'm teaching a course in critical analysis of media, with graphic novels and webcomics as the core medium using Scott McCloud's books as core texts. My thinking this time around is that I'd wear a different webcomic t-shirt per lecture. A splice of random geekdom per week until their heads explode, I figure. Give me a shirt, I'll give you full props for the effort on the week of your choosing. A win-win situation - you give me free stuff, I advance the cause of geekdom and arrive at lecture partially clothed, at least for one week.
Reply: Who wouldn't jump at free promotion? Us. As much as I appreciate your offer, this is a free contest. If you gave us anything, it wouldn't be free anymore and thus a violation of the contest terms and conditions. Pick a free shirt, and don't do shit to earn it.

Date: Thursday, July 19th, 2007
Name: Liz
Reason: I deserve a shirt for successfully uninstalling World of Warcrack even before my account has expired. Despite the overwhelming void, I have yet to give into the temptation of hopping back onto my level 70 Hunter to wreck faces. It would be an epic IRL quest reward.
Reply: Quest completed! To claim your reward, all you need to do is cure 1200 infected deer, and farm 12 pounds of felweed. Put it in an arcanite box, and ship via gryphon to Canada.

Date: Thursday, July 12th, 2007
Name: Don (Week 4)
Reason: I deserve a shirt for the simple fact that I remembered to enter all four weeks this month.
Reply: Good work, persistent, increasing your odds, playing the numbers, spamming the god damned hell out of us. It worked. Crazy.

Date: Thursday, July 5th, 2007
Name: Jay
Reason: I should get a shirt because as a gamer, I persevere. I work hard and I don't quit unless it's just pointless to continue. Like, Kid Icarus? No. Screw that. But anything else, bring it on. For instance, everybody always says Mewtwo is the worst character you could possibly choose on Super Smash Bros Melee, even worse than Jigglypuff. I mean, come on. Jigglypuff? So I said screw that, and I sat down and spent a day playing as Mewtwo. Now, any time somebody says Mewtwo sucks, I challenge them to a game, and I Hypno-Blast Combo their ass.
Reply: Free shirt for Hypno-Blasting asses. That's so awesome.

Date: Thursday, June 28th, 2007
Name: Michelle
Reason: I only think it's fair. I was on your website, when I was suddenly so excited by what I saw. I saw a shirt that was the ideal shirt and all I could have ever wanted. And then, when I went to order it, it was only available in a small and extra large size. Neither would be quite right. So, rather than becoming fat, I decided to create a steady exercise regiment until I could fit into that small. I managed to ruin a large number of my shirts in all this work, and when I looked back, after all of my hard work and determination? The shirt had been discontinued. I need SOME compensation.
Reply: Schweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen. That's the sound of compensation incoming.

Date: Thursday, June 21st, 2007
Name: Cameron
Reason: The gaming community has been filled with too many undesirables for too long. These "people" could benefit from some natural selection. That's where I come in. I pwn noobs, lots of noobs. With a sniper rifle in my hand and a song in my heart I shoot hither and yon, removing the abominations. Someone is spawn camping? Bam! A team-killer? Bam! Flaming troll? Kersplody! All of noobdom will feel the pain of my purging, probably by Tuesday next week.
Reply: Okay pwn-star, this sounds like a plan. I'll check my latest online multiplayer game next Tuesday for noobs. I expect you to pwn each and every one of them before then. If I find a single noob in Gears, Shadowrun, or Call of Duty, I want our shirt back.

Date: Thursday, June 14th, 2007
Name: Eric
Reason: It's simple really. Without a shirt to cover my absurdly pale body, my tummy would not only reflect sunlight but increase it a hundred fold, producing something similar to a solar flare. This unguided and unstoppable force would cut a swath of heat and light across the countryside decimating all which stands before it, be it people, buildings or the Winner-Mobile itself. Once the Heat Beam of Death reaches terminal velocity, it would escape the Earth’s atmosphere and fire into space, where nearby Space Monsters would mistake it for a for a sign from their cousin Larry that his parents aren’t home and it’s time to party. The Space Monsters would then begin the largest Block Party know to man. The Party of The Ages (as it would be called) would last over a thousand days, ending only when mankind has runs out of beer and munchies. And then would have no more munchies. So there you have it, if you don’t give me a shirt, not a single onion ring will remain intact, nor will a single drop of Bud. Save the Beer, give me a shirt. But you’d best hurry, for I am running out of clean shirts.
Reply: Although a 1000 day party might be worth exhausting all the beer on the planet, I love onion rings way too much. Deal, save us from the monster party, cover up that belly.

Date: Thursday, June 7th, 2007
Name: Kymmee
Reason: I was working for an online discount hotel booking company ... not the one that has The Shatner or the one with the Gnome but the other one. When I woke up to a phone call, not even a proper in the office firing let me clear out my desk, but a phone call firing. Their reasoning, I refused to lie to customers so I could sell more rooms. Wow I was fired for NOT lying. That’s a first I think in the job world. So I think to reward my standing up for my principles and not kowtowing to their vicious underhanded selling techniques I deserve a shirt.
Reply: You sure do, tell your boss to stuff that red stapler up his ass because YOU FEEL GREAT.

Date: Thursday, May 31st, 2007
Name: Rhys
Reason: A shirt would be the best way to cap off a good week where I made several kids cry. I have a major scar on my right leg as a result of being hit by a car 5 years. Whilst I have grown used to it, it does look absolutely horrible. Anyway, I went and saw the Fantastic Four 2 Movie on Monday and these kids behind me were being loud and obnoxious. I asked them politely to stop but they then started throwing V signs behind my head. As the scar looks mildly like an eye already I quickly drew an iris and a pupil on it raised it up so they could see and said rather evily "I can see you!" It gave them a pretty big fright. I feel that I deserve the shirt in recognition of my war against obnoxious cinema goers.
Reply: Here's your reward for scaring children. I'm on my way to confession.

Date: Thursday, May 24th, 2007
Name: Tom
Reason: Come now, does a geek really need a REASON to get a free shirt? I mean, we fix others computers, help others with their technical mishaps, and come on, who do we have to help us?
Reply: Well, the tables have turned my friend. You help people with their computers, we'll help out your wardrobe!

Date: Thursday, May 17th, 2007
Name: Susan
Reason: I'd love to give one of your t-shirts to my 13 year old daughter but we only shop at thrift stores right now. Your shirts are just her style and she'd probably send you a great thank you picture in return (manga-style). She loves to draw!
Reply: We'd love to give a free t-shirt to a young geek in training. Thrift stores no more, SplitReason.com to the rescue!

Date: Thursday, May 10th, 2007
Name: A.J.
Reason: Just beat all 100 levels of Bubble Bobble for the NES, There is almost nothing more satisfying than turning a villian into food with a cute dinosaur that spits bubbles. P.S. The more satisfying thing would be to get a free T-shirt.
Reply: I don't think I ever got that far in bubble bobble. I'm not sure if I'm impressed, or concerned for your overall well being. Either way, free shirt coming at you!

Date: Thursday, May 3rd, 2007
Name: Karl
Reason: I kinda ripped my shirt in all the excitement following the StarCraft 2 announcement, and now I need to replace it.
Reply: I hear ya. We had the same problem over here, holes in the wall, ceiling, etc... SC2 is a good enough reason for you to get a free shirt, you have good gaming taste.

Date: Thursday, April 26th, 2007
Name: Kipz
Reason: I deserve a free tshirt because I'm jealous of everyone with a splitreason shirt and im sick of that (hint) and now i wanna make my friends jealouse because they all love these t-shirts (oh im such an evil genius *cough*)
Reply: Genious no, jealous guy with a free t-shirt, yes. :) Keep your eyes on your mailbox, here it comes!

Date: Thursday, April 19th, 2007
Name: Tony
Reason: Because I miss the good times with Union/Zen and Gnoodle.
Reply: I miss playing with you guys too! So everyone knows, this is an old wow pal (I'm retired, but I do miss the good ol' days.) and yes, knowing me increases your odds of getting free shit. To the rest of my old guild mates... I leave you with these words of wisdom "Ducks like reign."

Date: Thursday, April 12th, 2007
Name: Brian
Reason: I would hope... That the pictures would explain themselves:

Picture 1
Picture 2

If not, I'm a struggling ninja, and I need clothes of a ninja to keep me extra stealthy.
Reply: Omg, a real suburban ninja. I feel so privileged. May we offer you a free shirt before you dissapear into the shadows?

Date: Thursday, April 5th, 2007
Name: Matt
Reason: I play Guitar Hero. Probably too much. Here's my few-days-old ranking on GHII 360's leaderboards. Anyway, there's a GH tournament coming up on my campus, and they say the winner gets to select their own encore song. I know how to do custom songs, and Don't Fear the Reaper is on one of my copies. If you send me a Cowbell Hero T-shirt, I promise that if I win, I will get someone else to play while I bang the hell out of a cowbell to Don't Fear the Reaper. Barring that, I will bang the hell out of it at the winner in the true spirit of Will Ferrell, to distract them in their next song.
Reply: Dude you're insane, you rock well. We will give you a Cowbell Hero t-shirt, make us proud. Do it for Will.

Date: Thursday, March 29th, 2007
Name: Bobby
Reason: I should get a free XL respawn shirt because I quit playing World of Warcraft. That's right - uninstalled, I even sold my character! And if THAT is not enough I'm pretty sure I had the first 'fan pic' on Split Reason with the llama hat shots I posted on our guild board which Brian ripped for his own capitalist venture - also I'm pretty sure he spent my 10 dollar credit on booze and women. In addition I put these together for our guild website many moons ago:

Wow link 1
wow link 2
wow link 3

Brian's character made it into several of the shots - would you like to know which one he is? I BET YOU WOULD. See ya pal~
Reply: Thanks Bobby, AKA Gnoodle. I did spend your $10 credit on booze and women, thanks pal! Another old guild mate and loyal SplitReason.com customer... what the hell is going on here? Is wow calling my name? Does the alliance need me? I almost want to re-activate my account, but I don't think I can do it. These days, I hold my cog tags tight. I am saddened by the thought of retiring my noob-saw so early. Sorry Blizzard, I'm out... 112 days played, and I'm not getting any of those back. Anyone want to buy a Paladin? :)

Date: Thursday, March 22nd, 2007
Name: Matthew
Reason: http://kinkendo.org/splitreason.jpg That's my Hair. Underneath it, you can occasionally see me. We are due to be seperated soon - my Hair will be brutally shorn down to a no.2 cut, in anticipation of the impending summer. However, this shaving is to take place halfway through March, and, here in England, Summer doesn't really begin until August or so, when it stays for a week or two, and then leaves, spraying urine in the form of rain behind it, heading off for more interesting shores. As such, I'm going to be bald and it's going to be cold, And I will need some kind of frost resistance headwear. However, this is where the true conundrum occurs -- if people see me with frost resistance, they'll just start hurling fireballs and earthbind totems at me - I'm going to need some kind of protection, either in the form of extra agility or a Ganking T-shirt with which to defend myself!
Reply: Your hair is FTW. Effort wins free t-shirts. THE BAR HAS BEEN SET. Once your hair gets pwned, send us another picture :)

Date: Thursday, March 15th, 2007
Name: Walker
Reason: Because when I saw your Llama shirt i could'nt stop laughing and I came very close to crapping myself, and I come from a small redneck town where john deere things are worshipped as much as they are used and I would love to slap the face of the redneck stereotype.
Reply: Okay Texas Ranger, we'll help you break down the stereotype. The Llama shirt looks great with overalls and a straw hat. Make sure you check your mail.

Date: Thursday, March 8th, 2007
Name: Sam
Reason: Because my parents wouldn't approve.
Reply: And that's why we do... free stuff coming at ya! Say Hi to your Mom for us.

Date: Thursday, March 1st, 2007
Name: Adrienne
Reason: The koala knows why I should get a free t-shirt. Koala: She's awesome and loves SplitReason. And that's why the lines in the road are yellow...
Reply: In an attempt to prevent the left, which is blue during the night beside crickets, we think that your smell is ranch with a tight grip of power tools. You get a free shirt for Wednesday, before the carpet and after the fridge magnets of self.

Date: Thursday, February 22nd, 2007
Name: CJ
Reason: I BEAT KID ICARUS!!!1
Reply: Haha, you're so full of it. You can't beat a game with a difficulty of impossible. Nonetheless, har har, you win a free shirt.

Date: Thursday, February 15th, 2007
Name: Zayne
Reason: I deserve a free t-shirt because I'm the co-founder of the Lawrence County, Pennsylvainia Emo Teamo. I deserve one of your oh-so-emo Hell No Kitty shirts, just because I'm just so cool like that. And hello kitty looks pwnsome with a gun.
Reply: LOL.

Date: Thursday, February 8th, 2007
Name: Jill
Reason: I was looking at some of your shirts on-line and they are really off the chain. I haven't seen shirts this bad anywhere else, keep making them.
Reply: I'm a sucker for flattery, thanks Jill, one free t-shirt coming up.

Date: Thursday, February 1st, 2007
Name: Danny
Reason: 3rd entry, trying to show a beg for this free t-shirt. I deserve a free t-shirt because my birthday is in 2 days and there is no better gift then the Viper Squadron t-shirt because it really defines a show I love, an awesome design for me to proudly wear.
Reply: What the frak... Your dedicated, persistent, and have great taste. It's all yours.

Date: Thursday, January 25th, 2007
Name: James
Reason:I deserve a new t-shirt because there is no cheese in my fridge.
Reply: What you really need is a food stamp, but that is not what this contest is all about. As I sit here eating a grilled cheese sandwich, I find myself feeling sorry for you, and as a result, we grant you free shit. Grats.

Date: Thursday, January 18th, 2007
Name: Shawn
Reason:Have you ever tried to kill Bill Cosby with a snowballbomb bare-chested? Its hard man! I mean I have to get up at 4 in the morning and I'm all slouchy and lethargic. I swear, I can hear the giggles of invisible penguin pixies and the inevitable tripping over the long extension cord from New York to Ohio is kinda painful in the fingers and thighs. I think that Cosby's horde of Intergalactic Behemoth Monkeys are trying to thwart my plans by hurling ice water at my torso area. I could use some sort of top cover device like a shirt. We must put a stop to Cosby's maniacal nagging about bicycles!!
Reply: You should get the Ctrl-Alt-Del Brian shirt, it makes just as much sense as your reason.

Date: Thursday, January 11th, 2007
Name: Loree McAwesome
Reason:Because my name is Loree McAwesome... And I think it'd be awesome if you gave me one, because my friend loves your shirts... so I could give it to her, and it'd make her day.
Reply: Although your name sounds more like a wicked new sandwich at McDonalds, It's still awesome, and deserving of free stuff.

Date: Thursday, January 4th, 2007
Name: JS
Reason: I just spent 5 hours writing a f*cking PHP script to convert a hand-written excel spreadsheet that some retarded f*cking client thought would work best if every row in every column had a different format, including the word "mum" in the contact phone number field of one of 1704 rows and a bunch of random formatted dates for date-of-birth and... you get the idea. Give me a damn t-shirt before I start throwing cordless mice.
Reply: Here, have a free shirt, just don't kill anyone!

Date: Thursday, December 28th, 2006
Name: Deimos
Reason: I need something that will make my principal's head explode without getting me in trouble. I believe the 'I went to school for this?' T-shirt would be perfect. I will certainly relay the school administration's response to you ;)
Reply: Done. We look forward to your Principal's response!

Date: Wednesday, December 21st, 2006
Name: Razor
Reason: Because my favorite movie isn't fight club. I don't listen to death metal or limp bizkit. I'm not 14 years old. I don't worship Satan. I don't hate God. I don't go around saying that every thing's meaningless. I don't act like I'm a character from a Bret Easton Ellis novel, but I am going to die and so is everyone's mom and dad and my brain won't ever fit in anyone else's skull and no one will ever invent a time machine and if I had three wishes I'd spend the rest of my life in a constant state of indecision and I wouldn't be able to sleep and I would feel like shit all the time and finally I'd wish that I didn't have three wishes. Then I'd feel cheated and want those wishes again and I'd wish for a million wishes but the genie would be like, you can't do that, it's against the rules and I'd be like, what, do you work at burger king or something, think for yourself and I'd punch the genie in the face and my fist would go through his face and the genie would laugh at me and later on, a year later, I'd make eye contact with the genie and I'd avert my eyes wildly all this because I wanted to feel fuzzy inside!

Date: Wednesday, December 15th, 2006
Name: Scott
Reason: Because you turned me down the last two times I asked.

Date: Friday, December 8th, 2006
Name: Adam
Reason: I work in tech-support. Giving me a t-shirt will reduce substantially the odds that I'll snap and go on a rampage. And now that this is on record, it would look bad if you could have prevented terrible carnage (or possibly just fecal flinging) by simply giving me a shirt. Do you want fecal flinging on your conscience?

Date: Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
Name: Adam
Reason: I recently got married and can no longer afford geek-ish clothing; I, therefore, am looking to mooch free stuff from people willing to give out free stuff. It's win-win.

Date: Wednesday, November 22nd, 2006
Name: Abby
Reason: My reason for wanting a shirt is quite simple. My boyfriend is always on your website looking at your shirts and keeps talking about them over an over. I would like to get one for him for Christmas but I just don't see how I can afford it with tuition being due and books to pay for. So the shirt is not just for me but for once allow me to give him a decent and thoughtful present.

Date: Wednesday, November 15th, 2006
Name: Holly
Reason: Because otherwise baby penguins and seals will die. Not because I'd kill them--just because they'd be really....REALLY sad. There would be no shotguns or sniper rifles involved. Because that would be illegal. Also, because you're going to give me a shirt, right? To make the baby seals and penguins happy? What are you, inhuman? DON'T YOU LIKE BABY SEALS?!

Date: Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
Name: Leonard
Reason: Many people have been on The Price Is Right, but I alone have been geek enough to place an opening bid of 1337. The cropped screen shot was featured on wikipedia's "leet" listing for amny months and if a google image search is done for "leet price is right" the link info can still be found. The image is also on my Myspace at www.myspace.com/ouphie

Date: Wednesday, November 1st, 2006
Name: Kevin
Reason: I'm trying to impress my girlfriend, x0_naughtygirl_0x, with a 1337 hax0r t-shirt, since all my japanese shirts aren't making me the handsome stud I could be if I had some SR gear on this body of phatness. Obviously you can see my dilemma... it just isn't making me feel more white and nerdy. Only when I have such a t-shirt, will I be able to embrace my epic adventure of conquer in the "real world" of warcraft. Only then, will I be more than a simple n0 lyfer - I will become ... a nerd.

Date: Monday, October 23rd, 2006
Name: James
Reason: So, giving away t-shirts is what makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside? Let me tell you what makes *me* feel warm and fuzzy inside: gaming. And not just gaming, gaming with my friends, and the crazy stuff that happens during said gaming. Until 4 years ago, I'd never heard of a LAN party. Not to say I wasn't a hardcore gamer, but I'd never heard of one. Cue high school, and the geek exposure I received. Since then, a whole slew of experiences that are forever burned into my cerebral cortex. One time, after a long session of Unreal Tournament (in which I totally pwnz0red, of course), we're all slouching around, half-sleeping. It's about 7am, and Shane, who's hosting the mini-LAN, gets up and grabs some Honey Buns for breakfast. Being a lazy geek, he decides to distribute said honey buns via air propulsion. Cue another geek, Chris (aka wolverine because of his badass sideburns), who has taken the initiative to stack about 9 empty cans of pepsi on top of his 19". Well, he thought they were empty. Honey Buns, meet Pepsi. Pepsi, meet monitor. Monitor, ffzzzzzt. He recovered, of course. Or, consider the multiple insanely awesome quotes spawned from odd situations. "Spawn Kill! Spawn Kill!" "Dude...you haven't moved for 10 minutes"...And the coup de grace, the ultimate teamkill: Click Here I tell you this because I have a serious condition. I'm losing my memory, and I fear that I will lose the ability to recollect these wonderful times soon. I think a t-shirt is the only way to ensur....Um, sorry, wrong page?

Date: Monday, October 16th, 2006
Name: Andrew
Reason: No sob story here, truth be told I *could* work the required overtime to get some extra bucks to pay for a shirt without the banks tightening the nut cracker attached to my genitals, but I'd prefer to whip out a little bit of text explaining why I should be granted a Linux T. Or gamer T, beggers can't be choosers and frankly if you send me a girls g-banger I'd wear that when there's no cleanish underwear around. More than that, I'm deserving of a T because I have not crawled back to Microslave just to play games that are not nativly installable on Linux. I have BOXED 'doze games here that I cannot play without wine. And when I say wine I mean $2 goonie bags behind the bottle shop carpark boozing on till I'm seeing elves and inquiring about missions and experience points. A grown man trying to use charisma to gain more gold from an imaginary NPC is a sight not for meer mortals. T me up homies, I feel the need to use my skills for evil.

Date: Monday, October 9th, 2006
Name: Michael
Reason: My friend always has the coolest shirts. Digg shirts, WOW shirts, linux shirts and I have none cuz I have no money. I barely have a computer good enough to involve myself with such activities his shirts have on them. He always talks about how he has the best shirts so I want a shirt to finally top his. If you could send me a cool shirt I can walk into class with my head high and make him feel stupid.

Date: Monday, October 2nd, 2006
Name: Roy
Reason: Some g33ks rolled me for my last T-shirt at a local lan party. I even lost my Calculator :(

Date: Friday, September 22nd, 2006
Name: Ryan
Reason: I didn't use to believe in god. I didn't think he existed in the sky, the universe, anywhere. One day that all changed. I woke up one morning, it was around seven or eight A.M. and I just wanted to fall back asleep, but something caught my eye: Great white light spilling out from the door crack. It nearly blinded me. I got out of bed and opened the door. A large man wearing a white robe stood there, emitting the glow. He smiled, with a bushy beard. I heard the words, "Hi, I'm god," in my mind. God was telepathic. "Follow me," he thought to me. I obeyed and we soon entered my living room. A massive plasma stood where my old TV had been. A Playstation 2 was hooked up, and I saw a case of Soul Calibur 3 sitting on top of it. God inserted the disk and we played. First round... I beat God without losing any health. "I let you win," he communed to me. Second round... God barely beats me. "Just teasing you," he casually thought to me. Third round, close, both of us are at low health, waiting to see who will make the first move... I kick, he dodges, he throws a punch, misses and I throw in a uppercut for the final blow. God jumps out of his chair, consumed with rage. "You are a terrible person, and shall burn in hell for eternity!" He said using his real voice, a deafening roar. All of the sudden I was surrounded by flames. Luckily, I got out of the house with only some burns. My home was lost, and I am now living on the streets with only the clothes I escaped with, which are burnt quite badly. Luckily the homeless shelter has computers and internet access. So, my problem now: I'm short on clothes and I'm an ownage gamer. I was wondering how YOU could help with that...

Date: Friday, September 15th, 2006
Name: Jasmine
Reason: Bear with me as I wallow in self humiliation as I write this letter. It's not that I don't enjoy recieving freebie items from male players wanting to "twink" me out just because they find out I have boobs and play WoW. It's just the whole feeling of finally getting out there and doing something with the guys and showing them how tough I am only to have a trade window open up on me and all the slots fill up with blue items and little off-hand roses. Grrr. And it's not like I can just click cancel and walk away. Oh no!!! Then I get repeated little psts from them reading,"Take it. I know where you live and my lockpicking skills is at 300. Don't mess with me." Yeah. So now I'm a twinked out stalked girl player. With my self esteem at a measley 12, I decide to go take out all my frustration on some lowbies. But just as I join a raid and someone mentions, " Hey... let's all get on vent and talk!"!(brilliant...sigh) I realize that my attempt to escape into a world where sex is only in what you roll as, is futile. Slowly my mouse reaches over to the vent icon, and as I do this my warlock seems to almost look at me with a face of utter shock. Granted I typed out the emote, /flee.... CLICK..... my teeth grit.... I hear voices..I turn up the volume. I decide to play it cool. Just type out I have no mic. Everything will be alright... until someone makes the remark about how girls do not play WoW... crap. I adjust my headset and i proceeded to defend my people. Everyone was busy talking about the topic of girls playing WoW. There was a break in the conversation and I took it to my advantage. "Well I play WoW, and I'm a girl." .......silence. Then suddenly that silence is ripped apart with tides of male player voices, pre-pubescent and post-pubescent alike, all talking at once. I could barely make out a couple," WTF?! OMG!!! A CHICK!!!"... and then it was silence all over again. Suddenly a voice spoke up. "so... What do you look like." Anyways... that is my story. As I said.... I am writing to you because this is the ONLY place I would want to be given freebies... and enjoy wearing it proudly at the next LAN party I attend, and saying... "Oh! You just got pwn'd by a chic! k!"

Date: Friday, September 8th, 2006
Name: Mimi
Reason: I believe you should gift to me this precious loot, because, while I am in some capacity a gamer (yes indeed I dabble in mmorpgs and attend the odd LAN party) I am a hardcore DDR fanatic. The game of sweaty nerdlings whom will break into hysterics if disaster strikes and a combo is broken. This is me. Between my zealous bouncing and sobbing when I realize that I will never have skillz as 1337 as the folks at SplitReason, I generate a lot of liquids and douse a lot of shirts. Playing Max Unlimited topless presents a plethora of issues I'd rather not deal with while going for perfect attack. Please SplitReason, bestow unto me your shirty goodness that I may pwn all bar rapers and execute the perfect dance.

Date: Friday, September 1st, 2006
Name: Matt
Reason: There may be other people with generally better reasons than mine, but I assure you I'm about due for some luck (or not). See, I am what some may call unlucky. That is one big understatement. Lets say that natural 1s are high rolls for me. My chance of getting something rewarding (i. e. not a beating or the like) have been scientifically proven that the ods are -1:1. They are not sure how that is even possible, but I assure you it is. Alas, the reason I send you this plea--I am not letting an opportunity like this slip throught the mile-wide cracks in fate's evil plot to make sure I can never say "I win." Besides, you have the best damn clothing on the whole internet, and I'm too lazy to get my ass a job to make money to buy some of your stuff because I am always staring and the beautiful designs. It's also a scientific fact that you will select me. By the way, all scientific facts are not facts but rather half-truths to explain the nature of misunderstanding. So give me some screen-printed cotton already. You know you want to.

Date: Friday, August 25th, 2006
Name: Clara
Reason: Well, I have a black cat named Fugly (we tried to rename him Oni, but it didn't catch) who likes to play WoW with me. He rolls Horde, though... got a 57 Orc Warlock. Cans me everytime we BG together or something. I totally come back on him, like, telling him I won't give him any more treats or play with him with his favorite orange toy anymore, and he totally comes back at me, like, "Meow". That hurts. So, like, the other day I came home from work-- Full Time, mind you he doesn't work worth crap!-- and he's watching my Star Trek movies, and I was like "Wtf, mate!?" and he was like "Meow". Man, if he doesn't start paying his part of the rent, I'm totally ditching him on the first.

Date: Friday, August 18th, 2006
Name: Mike
Reason: My name is Mike and tragically I was born differently from everyone else. I would go to school and out to the mall and people would laugh at my miss fortune, people have tried to help. I had a girlfriend once who was really kind, but ultimately she left for the same reason no one can stand to be around me because tragically I was born without a sense of style. I’ve tried to change, I’ve tried to look cool, but just looked like a poser, I tried to dress all gothy and dark but just looked like a effeminate Captain Morgan, I tried to dress like my favorite sports casters but looked like I had just shot and skinned a couch from the 50’s. I now ask for your help, can you help me dress like a gamer? Can you help me attract mad chixors and raise a whole host of kids with leet gaming skillz?

Date: Friday, August 11th, 2006
Name: Cody
Reason: I think I deserve it because I recently played with garbage, that's right I just got through playing the original TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES for the NES. So why should I get a free shirt for that...Well where do I begin? First off where did all these enemies come from that I have never seen before, remember that guy with the chainsaw, I sure as hell don't. Where was Krang, I mean he was right there from the start of the cartoon, I didn't see his brainy ass in there. Let's not forget the underwater level, oh no we all know that one, first off you have a time limit and there's so many things out there to kill you so you really gotta take your time so you don't die, but how can ya take your time when your in a fucking hurry? What makes things even worse is that if you miss that jump that you can walk over (yeah you don't find this out till about 10 min of trying to jump over it) all the enemies come back, but what I wanna know is why does the fucking pizza that refills your health not come back, god damn feet licking programmers. I'd rather yank all the hairs out of my scrotum then play this game again, and I'm dead serious. So if going through all this torture is not enough for a free shirt then I don't know what is.

Date: Friday, August 4th, 2006
Name: Christopher
Reason: I'm in desperate need of clothing, of any type. I need to use it to stuff at the sides of windows and doors in my house. The year is currently 2058 and the rest of the world was right, using zombies as free labor was a terrible idea for practical reasons, other than just the ethical ones. I'm not sure if I'm the only one left, but I'll be damned if I'm gonna take my chances with the zombies, I'm staying put. The reason I need clothing and towels though, is to keep out the Type 27 Raising Serum. It's what they used to re-animate the deceased. They didn't take into account it's properties and the human body's internal reactions deeper than turning the dead into drones. Once injected into someone's system, it replaces all other bodily fluids, the bacteria in it, by nature, assimilate all others. The zombies, they VOMIT it, uncontrollably. and since it is acidic, it gives off fumes as it slowly melts thin! gs, and the miasma by-product is even more lethal than the serum. It burns the flesh, and if it is allowed to fill the lungs it causes them to implode, painfully. but as long as I prevent it from getting into the house in large ammounts I may be able to survive, you know, wait this whole thing out. If the original serum is not injected into the body of the dead every 5 days, they once again become one of the fallen. So if I am to live through this whole thing, I want a really snazzy shirt to wear out of my house to impress all the ladies. This isn't just a "oh I'd really like a shirt SR, could you give me one" situation. What if I am the last man on earth, I need something that will say, "Hey ladies, I just survived an undead horde, do you wanna get with me?". So please Split Reason, if not for me, for the good of mankind.

Date: Friday, July 28th, 2006
Name: Vince
Reason: I just started playing this new game... It's called "Life" or something like that... It's kind of cool, you play with a bunch of other people, so it's like an mmorpg, except without the o because it isn't online... Yeah, I know it sounds weird but it's cool. There aren't any NPC's either everyone does something to earn this stuff called money, its like gold in most the other mmorpgs, but the weird thing is that they don't all call it money. Around here it's mostly called "dollars" I guess in different places and "countries" which I guess are like servers or what ever, they call it yen, or euros... Weird I know. so anyway more to the point. I just started and I don't have much of this "money" stuff yet, and my character doesn't have much in the way of gear. Right now I have a car that runs... and my armor is basic. Sadly, I don't have the "dollars" to spend on cool new armor (preferably "shirts"), considering right now my "job" is "landscaping" where you borrow these things called "shovels" and dig holes in the dirt... So I was hoping you guys might be able to help me out and get me suited up properly, seeing as how you seem to be doing quite well in this game, judging by how you seem to be making quite a nice load of "dollars" and you make some nice "shirts" that I really want, but can't afford yet. Thanks for reading that and I hope you don't see me as a noob, considering I have quite the experience in other mmorpgs, I just started this new one recently and it takes much longer than most to get out of this noob status.

Date: Friday, July 21st, 2006
Name: Joseph
Reason: Large dogs seem to have it out for me. As I walk along, they wait in ambush. They strike by biting and tackling me to the ground. I wrestle with them, making sure their mission is a failure everytime. Today would be 158th failure by dogs. These four legged assassians seem to outwit their owners, as they are always telling me that "they are not like this around other people" or more commonly "Jesus, please don't sue me!"